No Comments

5 Swinger Profile Tips for Guys with Dad Bods

“No”, “na”, “I dont think so”, and “fuck no!”  are just a few of the reviews I get when I send my wife a photo of a couple from a lifestyle site, and they are always about the guy. Yes, SHE is never the problem, it is always HIM. I always gave couples the benefit of the doubt though. But I am not taking the moral high ground here and not implying that my wife is way too hard on people.  Although she was no doubt the Simon Cowel of our lifestyle personas. 

So I did what many dudes in my position do, pay really close attention to the quality of the men in the couple profiles and screening them thoroughly before forwarding them to my wife for approval.

At first it was f*cking awkward as sh*t! A grown ass heterosexual male looking at pictures of husbands, zooming in and trying really hard to think like his wife. I found myself reviewing men more than the women on these sites, feeling like a fucking film critic.

  • The husband of NYcumlovers looks like he might have a chance, but he seems to have the same dam hat on in every photo. He has to be hiding some demons under that thing. Wife ain’t gonna have it.
  • The male half of weplaydirtyaf is 5’4. Why are men 6’ and up an endangered species in the lifestyle? The wife has a 5’11 minimum for entrance. Sorry little guy.  
  • Looks like Mr. type4sexies is one doughnut away from being type2diabetic. My wife would not survive missionary with this guy. NEXT!

As I looked through profile after profile, I noticed a pattern. Pictures of women were way over used. I never thought that as a hetero male I would be thinking that to myself, but that is how it turns out every time I am scrolling through these mainstream swinger sites. How many ass pictures do you need to post Mrs. sexycpl87, I am trying to see what your man is working with!

I assumed that the  lifestyle really started off as a wife swapping deal. Husbands were literally auctioning off their wives for trade, so it made sense to have the females pictures up. You really had to sell your product. 

How many ass pictures do you need to post Mrs. sexycpl87, I am trying to see what your man is working with!

Gentlemen step right up! Here we have Mrs. youngsexcple from Cincinnati Ohio. She likes long walks on the beach, is a sucker for Italian food, and can ride a c*ck like Pinky on molly. She has given me enough screaming orgasms to last a lifetime and she can be yours for the evening…if your wife happens to do anal. Cause mine ain’t havin that shit! But she will take a c*m shot on her face like a champ! Let the bidding begin!

But things have changed. Women entered the workforce, the suffrage movement went down, Roe V Wade kicked off the sexual revolution and the me too movement has literally been pegging the patriarchy into submission. So the sexual interests and pleasures of women matters more now than they ever have.

However, what women want in their dudes has not changed very much. Yes they want handsome men, but they also want confident and charming men. Men with a bit of wit and charm that can engage in some playful banter when necessary.

But what men want is much easier to feature in a photo. Bigbootunicorn has a nice ass, I’D SMASH. Mrs. Atlhotcple has a nice pair of jugs, I’D SMASH! Hotmilfndilf’s female half has blonde hair, I’D SMASH! She wears leggings, I’D SMASH. Oh Mrs. Houstonbedhopper looks like she might be a tad overweight, but she has a DP fantasy, I’D SMASH. Dudes are simple like that and they always have been. 

Unfortunately it is kinda hard for men to visually display the kind of things that women are into and most men have very few options when it comes to these swinger profiles. Think about it, women can take a pic of an ass cheek, a nipple, or some pics in their lingerie. They can simply bend over and show some hams. But what in the entire fuck can men do?

We ain’t bending over, we can’t put on no lingerie, we can’t feature a hairy ass nipple in a profile pic to entice a reviewer, and there are few swinger sites that allow you to post a d*ck pic outside of your private photos. Yes there is a way to take a good dick pick, but that is a topic for another day. If you have a hot bode, you can take a few pics of your pecs and six pack. But if you got a dad bode, what are your options?

…women can take a pic of an ass cheek, a nipple, or some pics in their lingerie. They can simply bend over and show some hams. But what in the entire f*ck can men do?

And that brings us back to my wife. She was not any more shallow than I was. She just didn’t have as much to admire as I did. When less than 10% of the pictures on your average couple profile are of the male in the relationship, the swipe left rate becomes quite overwhelming. But it is not that dudes aren’t trying hard enough, they just have a significant disadvantage. But there are things they can do to change all that. I got 5 tips for guys with Dad bods who want to look good on their swinger profiles.

1. Dudes, you matter, so post your damn pictures.

How many times have you come across a couple profile to find zero pictures of the dude. Unless this is a hot wife page, you need to be included. We and many other couples will not bother sending you a message or reaching out if you are not there. And no it is not acceptable to write “pictures of husband available upon request” Mr. Weliketofkalot76! There are thousands of other profiles to view and we don’t have time for all that bullshit!”  

And no it is not acceptable to write “pictures of husband available upon request” Mr. weliketofkalot76! There are thousands of other profiles to view and we don’t have time for all that bullshit!”  

But for some of you, I understand. You may not be quite the looker and you have a hot ass wife, so why not just present your best assets? Well at some point we gotta see your ugly ass, so you may as well keep it real and present yourself. So if you are concerned that you are not quite the super model you once were ( (Nah, I’m just playing, beauty is in the eye of the beholder or some shit, whatever) , please bring your attention to point number 2.

2. Women would like to see a picture you look good in.

This may seem like a no brainer, but there are a lot of dudes that will throw any old picture up on a profile page. And it is frustrating as f*ck. I can’t tell you how many times we have come accross an image of a male that was just fucking standing there, shirtless in their living room in front of a spotty mirror in stained pair of worn sweat pants. Not posing or anything. 

It would be cool to do that ignorant shit  if you had the body of the Dwayne the Rock Johnson or Micheal B Jordan. Cause less face it, them dudes can take a picture of themselves stomping roaches, in a trap house wearing a man romper and would still get flooded with inquiries. 

But if you have the physique of Austin Powers, stop doing that shit. Rick, your shirtless hairy dad bod is probably fine when we get to the playroom, but it can’t be the only representation my wife has when she is reviewing your page. Work with me dude. 

“I really hate it when men put on well fitted suits”, said by no woman, ever.

Not all of us can pose like Tyson Beckord, but if you are going to take a picture, take one that makes women want to know you. Put on something that is flattering to your physique. Sometimes that means adding a little fashion to your presentation. 

“I really hate it when men put on well fitted suits”, said by no woman, ever. Wear a suit, put on a nice fitting outfit that makes you look interesting.  Put on a chain, a nice watch, a sports jacket, sweater, layer for God’s sake.

Don’t simply post a picture that your wife took of you because she wanted to remember that ugly Christmas sweater your mom in-law got you for laughs. That was probably hilarious for you Mr. Exoticanallover78, but we weren’t all in on the joke and it’s just not working for us right now. 

Post something that makes you look sexy, charming, confident etc. This is really important because most of the time, you will not be able to show your face on your profile. Your style is at times the only thing you can work with.

3. It may help to not only show what you look like, but what you are interested in as well.

This is an easy one, if you have a life. Shout out to Loq and Tryst of Livin the Suite life for bringing this one to our attention. One of the tactics that I have seen on many profiles is dudes taking pictures of themselves at the gym. Yes, they stand in front of a mirror with a muscle shirt on and snap one. Some also have a photo taken of themselves while they are in the middle of an exercise (preferably a strength building one like pull-ups, push ups or lat pulls which flex your muscles).

I think this is fine because the picture says a lot. It says you got some shit going on in your day to day and you take care of your body. It may indicate that you have some good stroke game and decent judgement about your life choices. Women tend to care about these things. Even if they just want to do some freaky shit with you at the end of the day. 

If you club goer, take pictures of you partying. If you don’t have those pics hanging around make sure you take some the next time you go out. Even if it’s to dinner or a show. A picture in costumes during Halloween could be an easy task for some of you.

If you are an outdoors guy, take images of you building fires, fishing, climbing rocks or what ever the fuck you outdoor dudes do. I am a city boy so that wilderness bullshit don’t rock with me cause Black dudes usually die first in them scenarios. Yeah go head and check out that scary noise in the woods Tim. Lemme know where your car keys are so I can keep them safe. 

4. If you are going to show your face. Bring a little personality to the image.

A couple sent us a few pictures one day and the dude had the exact same expression in each photo. Not smiling and cold. Now the chick had the same expression too. But in all honesty, she was hot and, I was entirely down to fu- I mean, get to know her.  Sooo, I don’t know what to tell you (double standards are a thing, they always have been and always will be). But my wife’s reaction basically boiled down to, who the fuck would want to meet a dude with that look on his face. He looks as if the one who was taking the picture was on his hit list. And he was gonna get medieval on his ass. 

I can’t imagine my wife or any other chick looking at those kinds of picture and saying “I really want to get to know him. Mean mugging like you taking a prison pic, gets my p*ssy soaking wet.” 

I know you want to look cool and strong, but my brothas, I can’t imagine my wife or any other chick looking at those kinds of picture and saying “I really want to get to know him. Mean mugging like you taking a prison pic, gets my p*ssy soaking wet.”  I’m sure them women are out there, but add a little variety for the rest of em. Laugh in your pic. Put up a silly face. Feature a pic with you kissing your chick’s cheek. Put up a peace sign. Something that says, you are a dude that enjoys life, and can be pleasant in person. Stop looking like Charlie Murphy after he got slapped by Rick James. RIP.

5. Personality can be difficult to show in an image, so try to show it in your description.

If you have a sense of humor write something funny. You know how many women don’t want to fuck with a dude with a sense of humor. Nah you don’t, they all died and went to hell. Cause they are miserable and unhappy, and you don’t want them b*tches anyway. 

Women like to laugh, you like to laugh. If you are not funny, google some funny shit, for inspiration and add a little humor to your profile. Yes we know you are looking for “like minded couples and want to explore your sexuality…. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. NEXT!

Say something interesting, witty or funny. Use a charming quote, spit some game and make it clear that it is coming from you. And get some people to review it for feedback to prefect your online image. I know yall want to keep it real! But as the Belle and the Bomber say, your profile is like your resume and you want to put your best foot forward, and make sure it has on a polished shoe or nice clean sneaker.

Check out more tips on making your profile stand out on this episode of BNK

Interested in swinger sites with hot couples? Click here to check out Amourgetaways membership. OOOOWEEEE!

PEACE.

The Bomber!

You might also like

More Similar Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Fill out this field
Fill out this field
Please enter a valid email address.
You need to agree with the terms to proceed

Menu