As we reflect on our pre-COVID swinger experiences, we are coming to the common realization that the lifestyle may not go back to normal for quite some time. But that does not mean we can’t still have sexy fun.
Quite the contrary actually. We are learning that swinger parties may go back to their small intimate house party roots. Basically, we figured that the crowds associated with huge parties, Meet N Greets and resort vacations would be replaced by short Airbnb getaways, local rendezvous with couples/singles or small private group get-togethers.
This may be the dawn of a new and classic era. And there are some lessons we learned during our time in the golden age of the lifestyle that can translate well to its current downsized version.
This post will be focused on music. Yes that lovely audible harmony of sounds, and beats that can create a provocative mood, stimulate the senses and make an otherwise mundane setting into an experience all are glad to be a part of.
We will focus more on our experiences and what we have learned. You may not agree with all of our reflections, but at the very least it should give you some perspective as you consider how you might want to throw your own little freakathon.
Music is Everything
So we have yet to be at a lifestyle party, whether it be at a club, hotel or house, that does not include music. For good reason! Silence can be awkward. Music is supposed to set the mood and remind us that we are a part of something cool.
When we first walk in the party we enjoy hearing sounds that are upbeat and familiar. Old school tracks were usually a good way to start. Hearing something from our past made many new settings more comfortable.
We noticed that getting the line dance tracks were a good way to get people on the dance floor. If you got at least 2 people to do the wobble, others would naturally follow. Once people were on the dance floor they don’t usually need a whole lot of motivation to stay there. Play another banger that we could two-step to, then it’s all good.
Now the music might stop at any moment tho. Sometimes the DJ’s equipment goes out, the hosts of the party are finally deciding to call it a night or the cops come a knocking, because lets face it, Karens are out there just fucking it up for everybody in these streets.
But regardless of the reason, once the music stops the party is pretty much either delayed or over. This makes it a pretty essential messaging device.
There is a fine line between “Turn that shit down, I can barely hear myself think” and “It is so quiet I can count the qweefs coming out of the playroom upstairs”
When Belle and I were younger, there was no such thing as ‘too loud’. Most of our party experiences would happen at the vanilla clubs and they would have the base turnt up. It was the kind of base you could hear from your uber, blocks away from the club entrance. That base that would have your soul vibrating with anxious anticipation for the crazy, booty grinding, shot taking night you were born to have.
But then we got older. Like, now we actually have aged enough to have some shit to say, and stories to share. So we need that volume to be a tad bit lower these days. And lifestyle parties have been a setting where we like to do just that. Talk, get to know people, exchange information, learn lifestyle experiences and preferences and so on.
This has often been critical for Bomber. His charm requires speech. The Belle’s charm speaks through her cleavage. It needs no mic. Now this is true for a lot of fellas in our experience. We need all the help we can get.
It’s damn near impossible for guests to be funny, witty or display the mastery of game if they can’t be heard.
Loud music has been a literal pain in the ass in the lifestyle in this regard. Whether vanilla or LS, the Belle and I have become sensitive to how easily music can hinder chemistry and good conversation.
When we are trying to communicate with MAYBACH MUSIC blasting in our ear, we end up having to repeat ourselves incessantly. So, how many times have we had to say we are Bomber and Belle to the same couple in these settings? Well let’s just say that we have settled with couples calling us Homer and Mel, Bommer and Kel, as well as Conner and Elle because we get incredibly tired of correcting people at a point.
But you have been here. Although understandable, it is a basic fact that despite the initial enjoyment of meeting someone, excessive “What was that”s, “Say that again”s, and “I’m sorry I didn’t catch that”s, can really fuck up the vibe.
Other thing is, you have to get closer to people before you even know their name while the speakers are using your eardrum as a punching bag. Honestly, we brush and floss religiously. I have relatives that suffered from halitosis and it scarred me for life. So getting close up to someone just to say “HIIIIIEEEEEEE” without a breath check is unnecessarily nerve racking. That is not to say that people in the lifestyle have bad breath, but sometimes you just don’t know what odor them chicken tenders, deserts and Redbull vodkas have left in your mouth.
Loud music can also take a lot of fun activities off the table. The only thing the Belle and I can do when the speakers are exploding is dance. That is it. We cant really do shit else. That includes doing other fun shit like play spades, icebreakers or swinger games like Couplicious. Forgive that plug, but you have got to make that part of your library of lifestyle games. It is fun as shit!
Guests escaping your party area to get to quieter spaces can be a problem
Other thing about loud music is that it can cause people to leave the main party space for a quieter environment. Sometimes this is good if you have a dedicated space for this purpose.
But some hosts we have partied with did not have such a space, and people improvised.
At one party the bathroom became this space. This led to a lot of annoyed guest waiting insanely long to use the potty because Mike and Jan were occupying it. What the hell were they doing in there anyway? Renegotiating their rules? Arguing because someone stepped over the line? Rehearsing their transition script? We will never know. We ended up sneaking in the master bathroom. Don’t judge us.
Quieter spaces in your home could also be close to where you tucked your sleeping toddlers away. Now we can address the strategy of having an LS get together with the children around later. But for now, lets acknowledge that LS conversations can go in weird places you don’t want near a child’s ear. Yea your little one didn’t know what a rim job before he went to bed on Saturday night, now he screaming it out at Sunday service.
What if your guests decide to meet outside in your driveway. You did a good job keeping the beats from rocking your neighbors out of sleep. But now the cops are rolling up to your door cause Karen has struck again. This time she caught your guest going full softcore porn next to your parked trailblazer.
Stop being cheap and get a music app subscription.
I remember when Pandora was our go-to when it came to our parties back in the day. You can never go wrong just typing your favorite artist in the search bar and letting that algorithm rock a playlist that knew what you wanted better than you did.
But now, there are tons of apps to choose from. Apple music, Spotify, Soundcloud, Tidal, and Youtube. And the fact that these apps almost all come with a free version is the best part. But it can also be the worst part due to the ads that pop up between tracks. Whatever your preference, it is worth getting a paid version without ads. When an ad for erectile dysfunction plays between Montell Jordan’s “Get it on tonight” and Toni Braxton’s “You’re makin me high” it can really kill the mood.. A lot of plans are pretty cheap so it is worth paying for unless you got a DJ running your party.
So in sum
- Music is everything
- Monitor the volume
- Don’t let music get in the way of other fun and good conversation
- Avoid letting music force your guests into other spaces
- Yes it is worth paying for a music app subscription, so do that shit
For more on how to create the ultimate play space for our party, check out our earlier blog post on spicing up your space.
Stay tuned for more tips from the Bomber and Belle’s Ultimate Lifestyle Party Playbook.